"Death Choice, Incorporated.  May I help you?

Death choice?  What the hell is that?

"I'm sorry, I was trying to call Danny's Pizza."

"Yes sir.  This is Danny's Pizza.  May I help you?

Huh?

"Is that what you said the first time?"

"Yes sir.  Do you want to order some pizza?"

"Uh, yeah.  Large pepperoni, mushroom, and black olive.  And a side of
garlic bread.  For delivery."

"Your total will be $18.45.  It should be by in about 30 minutes.
Thank you for calling Danny's."

"Dont you want my address?  Hello?  Hello?"

What the hell is this all about?  I bet I got a wrong number.  That
was just some wierdo playing a sick joke.  I'll try again.  Hmm.
Busy.  Aw, screw it.  I'm not that hungry anyway.

Who could expect me to eat anyway?  I've been dumped by my girl friend
and fired from my job on the same day.  I don't even care any more.
I'll just watch some T.V.

"right back after this word from our sponsor."

[Screen turns black.]

"Are you running out of choices?"

Damn straight I am.

"Feeling like your life's at a dead end?  Want to take control again?
You need Death Choice.  With Death Choice, you're in the driver seat.
You make the decisions, you reap the benefits.  Call for free quote."

[Game show resumes.]

What the hell is this all about?  Death Choice?  Isn't that what the
girl on the phone said?  And what about that commercial?  'Call for a
free quote.'  And they didn't even give a phone number.

[Woman on game show jumps up and down excitedly]

Screw the TV, it's too depressing.

Death Choice.  I'm sure that's what the girl on the phone said.  I
know, maybe directory assistance will have the number.  I'll try.

"Directoryassistanceforwhatcityplease?"

"I'm not sure.  Chicago I guess."

"Yessir?"

"Could you give me the number of Death Choice?  I think it's a
company."

"I'msorrysirthere'snolistingthankyouforusingAmeritech"

"What about ... hello?"

Jesus!  Doesn't anybody know how to be polite any more?  This whole
planet is going down the toilet.  I'm getting sick of it.

Maybe I'll surf the web a bit.  Fire up netscape and hit "What's Hot."
... hmmmmm hmmmm hmmmm ... Gotta get me a faster modem.  If I had a
job, that is.  I shouldn't even be logging on.  I should be looking
through the want ads.  But who wants a middle manager.  Ah, here we
go, lets see what's hot.

"Death Choice - a must see.  http://www.deathchoice.com"

Oh for Pete's sake!  There it is again!  And it's the only link here.
NetScape is really going down hill.  Well, now at least I can see what
this is all about.  'click'

"Death Choice.  For total control.  [info] [home] [order]"

OK, lets see the info page.

"Death Choice.  Under Construction.  Come back soon.  [home] [order]"

FUCK!  I'll try home.

"404 Not Found"

THIS IS STUPID!!!  OK, 'back' and 'order'.

"Death Choice.  Thank you for placing your order.  You should be
receiving it in 15 minutes."

What a crock!  This is worse than the TV.  I'm just going to sack out
on the sofa.

[15 minutes pass.  Then doorbell rings.]

Huh?  Wha?  Who the hell is that?

[Opens door.  A teenager from Danny's pizza is holding a box and a
sack.]

"Here's your pizza, sir.  That will be $18.45."

"Oh.  Ok.  Here's a 20.  Keep the change."

"Thank you sir, here you go."

[Teen drives away in a Danny's pizza car.]

I'm going nuts.  That's the only explanation.  Oh well, not much I can
do about it tonight.  And the pizza does smell good.  I might as well
eat it.

[Opens box and takes a big bite.  Attempts to swallow, but a mushroom
lodges in throat.  Tries to cough it up.  Tries to beat back with
fist.  Throws self belly first on table.  Face turns blue.  Struggles
violently, jamming fingers down throat.  Falls on floor, rolling back
and forth.  Slows down.  Is still.]

[Phone rings.]

"Hi.  As you can see, I'm not here right now.  But leave a message."

[beep]

"Hello.  This is Death Choice calling to see if your order was
satisfactory.  If you have any problems, don't hesitate to call."